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I Pray I Learn to Live Again

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I Pray I Learn to Live Again

Post  mikeschultz on Tue Mar 06 2012, 09:28

Hello, as evidenced by my last posting, I am in one of my periodic depressions. I wrote this piece this morning to express and help ease some anxious tensions. I debated as to whether to post it or not, but it was reading Lucie's "Muse" that decided the matter for me. Her poem is a most endearing entreatment. Now I in no way consider myself a Muse, but there were moments when Lucie's poem seemed to be speaking right at me. Forgive the presumptiousness, but it's what I felt. And so, in keeping with the letter and spirit of Lucie's poem, I share with you this dark autobiographical poem, a glimpse into the troubled soul of a folk poet:


I Pray I Learn to Live Again

I know a good deal of suffering with BPD and PTSD,
But I know so little of living with them. Twice in each cycle
They devastate my life, and the other four
Mid-range passages, between the highs and lows, the ups
And downs, coming and going,
Coming down, and going up, coming around,
And going mad.
At my most manic or depressive states of being,

Torn by emotions and anxieties run wild,
A ping pong ball buffeted between two paddles,
Back and forth,
A dandelion seed blown directionless by winds that follow
The laws of nature to decide where to make their deposit.
As are we all,
I am at the beck and call of forces beyond my understanding:
Manic, finishing ten poems (585 lines) in a day,
Or depressed, thinking I am a fool for my passion and should
Burn them all and myself in the process.

I’ve wallowed through each depression not touching a match
Or a lighter,
Not trusting myself, I suppose.
I pray I remain strong and learn to live again, for I’ve a lifetime
To live with these, my most constant companions,
Bi-Polar Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.


Michael Schultz © March 6, 2012 (0811)

Thanks for Reading.

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Re: I Pray I Learn to Live Again

Post  Lucie on Tue Mar 06 2012, 17:36

Bravo, Mike.
I can appreciate the intangible moods that change irratically and without reason
I am glad you chose to share with us.
Always listening..
Lu
x hug
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Re: I Pray I Learn to Live Again

Post  BC Williams on Thu Mar 08 2012, 01:17

Well Mike, our little Lucie speaks to most of us from time to time . . . and I read her poem the same way you did. Astute of you.

There is nothing wrong with self analysis. Sometimes, we're too close to ourselves to see what others may see in us. So I'll tell you now, thank you for not torching your work:-)

Your writing shared here is for us; but I know as it passes from your mind to paper, it swaddles you first in a cathartic blanket of self understanding. It's a road, a journey into the depth of one's soul.

Write on, oh weary traveler . . . but pass this way again.

hug
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Re: I Pray I Learn to Live Again

Post  mikeschultz on Thu Mar 08 2012, 08:48

Thank you, so much, and I shall and often as long as I am welcome. Thanks for your support. Mike deep thought
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